holyshishus (holyshishus) wrote,

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No colors [4/?]

Title : No colors
Chapter : 4/?
Fandom : Super Junior
Pairing : KyuMin, SiChul, mentions of HeeMin
Genre : angst, romance
Rating : NC-17
Warnings : naughty words, possibly sex
Disclaimer : I don't own them.
Summary : He loved and then betrayed him for his own selfish desires.
A/N : 'm finally back! TwT I'm sorry to have kept you guys waiting... forgive me? *puppy eyes*
Previous chapters :{ 1 } // { 2 } // { 3 }


"Not coming, are you, Kyu?" Kangin inquired with a slight frown as he was in the process of walking out the door of their practice room, one step behind Hangeng and one ahead of Heechul, although the whole procession halted and all eleven turned to guage Kyuhyun's reaction. "Are you alright? Usually you like to come with us to drink..."

"I'm... still feeling a bit ill." Kyuhyun offered, forcing a smile from his position on the hard-backed couch in the corner. He glanced from Kangin, to Leeteuk, who had that worried motherly expression on his face. Heechul had donned an expression of curiosity, and Kyuhyun saw his eyes flicker from him to Sungmin, who was dozing in the opposite corner, then back to him with an almost understanding gleam. Kyuhyun felt something inside him shift. "And I'm trying to cut back a little."

"Well! Good for you, Kyu." Leeteuk replied cheerfully, giving him a thumbs up from the doorway. Kyuhyun sighed mentally.They all exited the room, and there was silence.

Truthfully, he was craving a drink, every nerve ending in his body was screaming for alcohol, but something made him stay. Something that was currently laying spread across the small loveseat opposite him, enjoying a quiet moment to have a small nap, that wonderfully beautiful face smooth and unmarred in sleep. It was a face Kyuhyun wanted to kiss and worship, to feel that skin beneath his fingertips. His thoughts were all jumbled together like words in a puzzle, each waiting to be deciphered and inserted in its correct place, and then it would all make sense.

He sighed, sinking into the cold leather cushions beneath him, closing his eyes against the flourescant white lights above him that agitated his brain. He didn't need to talk to Sungmin, only to look at him, and to be by him for now. It had been four days since their talk, four days without words, but the silence was mesmerizing. He let his head loll over the stiff back of the black couch.

"You're not cutting back, Kyu..." Sungmin's lethally calm voice assaulted his aching head, and with a jolt he looked up, jarring his fragile brain inside its skull, almost as if he could feel it smacking around up there, tiny neurons bashing against bone. Sungmin was awake, laying on his back over the two-cushion loveseat, one arm spilling over the edge, fingers brushing the floor. Kyuhyun watched him, the slow, rythmic rise and fall of his chest as he breathed in and out calmly. He had thought Sungmin was asleep, but now he could see that his eyes were wide, staring up at the ceiling in a thoughtfully tranquil reverie.

"I'm going to try..." He answered, half-truthful, because it was true he wanted to stop drinking. But it was hard, he wasn’t addicted, but he needed alcohol to forget about his problems for a while. But it was the same thing with Sungmin. Love was just an addiction without physical substance.

"You like to drink." Sungmin pointed out argumentively, as though this wasn't a debate that wasn't even worth having. But interaction was interaction, in any form, at least they were speaking.

"I should stop." Kyuhyun protested weakly, flexing his fingers idly, cracking each knuckle. Pop, pop, for lack of anything better to occupy these appendages, just so he didn't start throwing things in frustration. "Besides, it bothers you, doesn't it?"

He saw Sungmin's thin eyebrows fold into a frown, and his head turned so that he could look in Kyuhyun's direction, still not at Kyuhyun. But close enough. "What does it have to do with me?"

"I know you get bothered by drunk people..." Kyuhyun said ever-so-quietly. "I can always tell..."

He trailed off, and a silence stretched between them. Sungmin's face went soft, head lolling over the edge of the cushions. "Well, I can always tell when you need to drink... like now, when you're fidgeting with your hands, and sitting up straight like you're about to jump off the seat..."

"I don't need it that bad," Kyuhyun tried to argue, but he was fidgeting and his body was wraught with tension, and Sungmin was completely right. He sat back into the couch and tried to relax, but it wasn't something that came easy. He never knew Sungmin payed that much attention to his mannerisms. He wanted to smile, but he couldn't force the expression out. "Not if it would make you uncomfortable to be around me because I smell like alcohol..."

Sungmin laughed dryly. "Yeah, because there's no other reason I might be uncomfortable around you right now..."

Kyuhyun felt himself blushing faintly, heat rising in his cheeks and around his eyes. "You... don't seem uncomfortable."

"I'm very nervous." Sungmin admitted, and his eyes slid upwards, finally coming to rest on Kyuhyun's pinkened face, and something that might have been a smile tugged at the corners of his lips. "I want to act normal but I can't tell if you're still mad at me. You're too quiet, I can't always tell what you're thinking..."

"Maybe I'm not thinking about anything." Kyuhyun replied cynically, letting his gaze flicker for the shortest of seconds to meet Sungmin's. It was true, usually, or sometimes. What was there to think about? It was better not to, it was better to imagine there was nothing to think about.

Sungmin rose from the couch, rolling off the front and to his feet, and he approached Kyuhyun before he even had time to blink, to realize it. He sunk into Kyuhyun's lap, as carelessly as if all his limbs had suddenly given out, a human puppet with the strings cut. His legs curled up around Kyuhyun's, arms pressed between them and those hands placed delicately over Kyuhyun's exposed collarbones, face turned away, but resting lightly on Kyuhyun's shoulder, tiny spots of bare skin brushing. And Kyuhyun could feel his heartbeat, pressed close to his abdomen, beating fast and erratic, Sungmin really was nervous. Somehow... somehow Kyuhyun felt fine.

"Is... is this... okay?" Sungmin asked meekly, sounding so fragile that Kyuhyun couldn't help but pity him, just a little. He was so self-loathing like this, unsure of every little action, carefully walking the lines of the rules he'd made himself and never once contemplating stepping over. Not like the confident Sungmin that was normal, that was the one Kyuhyun really liked to see. The one who made everyone feel good about themselves just because he felt good about himself, like it was infectious. His hands curled against Kyuhyun's shirt, and Kyuhyun couldn't answer.

Sungmin sighed shakily, and he turned his head, lips and cheek brushing against Kyuhyun's neck, sending shivers through his body. "I just... want you to forgive me, Kyu... I feel like this is hopeless..." Kyuhyun could hear the tremble in his voice, feel it against his sensitive skin. "Like you're never going to realize that... I'm so sorry..."

"I don't know." Kyuhyun whispered into the air that had so suddenly become solemn, dark and oppresive. Sungmin placed a silky kiss over the tendons on the side of his neck, a physical contact that burned even after it had been broken, stinging like a spider bite in its gentleness. It seemed too sweet, and Kyuhyun almost couldn't handle it. "I haven't... forgiven you yet. But I... would like to... I want to try and..."

He closed his eyes tight, squeezing Sungmin in a suffocating embrace without even knowing when his arms had come to be wrapped around the other man, when they had been so close together... when was the last time he felt this way? He wanted to cry without even knowing the reason why. It wasn't a good or a bad feeling, it was just a feeling, a reality.

"Is that true?" Sungmin asked in a voice no more than a feather over silk, so quiet and filmy that Kyuhyun wasn't sure there had been any words at all. He placed another kiss on the column of Kyuhyun's neck, higher, just below the corner of his jaw, and one hand snaked up towards his hairline, soothing in its motions, but devastating, this affection he was being shown that he hardly deserved.

"I do want to be with you." He was finally able to answer, and he could hear the cracks in his own voice, unfortified weakness, like crumbling cement. He so wanted to be strong but it was so hard. "Just... I need to get used to this. It's... it's difficult for me."

"Okay, I understand." Sungmin agreed immediately, afraid of discord. It was disheartening, this Sungmin, so complacent, so unlike the person he was before this mess... before Kyuhyun messed him up. Another stab of guilt ran through him, gouging out his guts and leaving just an echoing emptiness inside him. He laughed humorlessly. Kyuhyun brought a hand up to the back of his neck, the soft feeling of Sungmin's hair threading through his fingers, and the other rested on the small of Sungmin's back, just resting, not daring to go further. This wasn't exactly the place, nor the circumstance for real things. Just enough for Kyuhyun to hold him for a while.

Sungmin was pressing warm, increasingly open-mouthed kisses up the length of Kyuhyun's neck, lithe, small fingers in his hair. He nipped the soft spot under Kyuhyun's ear, and then hesitated, pressing his cheek to the back of Kyuhyun's head. "Is this okay?" He repeated the same question he'd asked earlier, sounding nervous, evidence of his heartbeat fluttering between their chests. "Is it too much?"

"No, not enough." It was already an addiction of the worst sort, this small amount of skin pressed together, his and Sungmin's molecules mingling in space, burning atomicly where they met. Sungmin looked up from the neck he had been lavishing with surprise at the desperate tone Kyuhyun used, even surprised himself with how much he needed to have more than these little touches. "Not yet." He didn't look in Sungmin's eyes, but he could feel how close they were, how much didn't need to be said in this moment. It was a sunlit-terrace moment from a movie, Kyuhyun's head tilted to the right, and he felt the first tenative press of lips against his own.

The world spun away, and all Kyuhyun could sense were the small things, the soft texture of Sungmin's lips, the slightly bitter taste of something he recognized, but all earthly thoughts had been wiped away. He was so afraid, so scared of messing up, not wanting to be left alone, not wanting a moment like this one to end because when it did reality returned. This was a whole other dimension in its wonderfulness, the hesitant motion of Sungmin's mouth tight against his, and they broke, and then met again, and Kyuhyun wanted to whimper from the sheer goodness of it. It still wasn't right, nothing had been fixed, only temporarily suspended until life crashed in on them.

Kyuhyun pulled back, dropping his gaze, his eyes were wet for some reason. Sungmin just petted his head gently, like a soothing motion one would make to a child, and he set his head back in the crook of Kyuhyun's shoulder. No words were exchanged, but it was for the best; no words were really needed. Kyuhyun wondered how much time had passed yet, what would happen if Heechul or anyone else happened to walk in on this scene? He decided he just didn't care.

"You've been drinking." He remarked, recognizing the familiar taste of alcohol that had lingered on Sungmin's lips. The older looked up, eyes shied away to a spot on the wall.

"I know I shouldn't..." He started, but trailed off, and Kyuhyun never got to hear the rest of his excuse, bringing his mouth to the pale skin where shoulder morphed into neck and sucking on it. The smoky taste was there too, almost unobtrusively faint, almost unnoticable at all, but there; it clung to everything in this cold weather. He wanted to lick Sungmin's skin, all the way up his neck, to memorize his real flavor, but he did nothing. This wasn't the time for that.


Hey my dears! ♥
I know it feels like ages since I last updated this story. Please forgive me for being on this long hiatus. Now I'm back and I'm changing a bit the story, I mean I think it will be longer than 9 chapters as I first planned it. I hope you will like it after all~
I'm sorry it might be boring, please forgive me! T.T

I missed you all!! ♥

Tags: fanfic, genre: angst, genre: romance, pairing: heechul/sungmin, pairing: kyuhyun/sungmin, pairing: siwon/heechul, rating: nc-17, super junior
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