holyshishus (holyshishus) wrote,

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No colors [5/?]

Title : No colors
Chapter : 5/?
Fandom : Super Junior
Pairing : KyuMin, SiChul, mentions of HeeMin
Genre : angst, romance
Rating : NC-17
Warnings : naughty words, possibly sex
Disclaimer : I don't own them.
Summary : He loved and then betrayed him for his own selfish desires.
Previous chapters :{ 1 } // { 2 } // { 3 } // { 4 }

Kyuhyun's lips curved up at the corners. And that was it. That was all there was and all there would be. His anxiety and unease melted away gradually until he felt just fine, even if it would only be for now, this short time. Any peace was worth it, any feeling of calm and content. He stared down at his clasped hands, thick knuckles pink and white with tension, and Sungmin sat beside him, gaze averted the other way, maintaining a suitable distance. Not too close, not far enough to display the discomfort running between them. No intruder would suspect a thing. Unless, of course, it was Heechul, which it was.

He gave a faintly surprised expression as he poked his head through the doorway, eyes immediately locking onto Sungmin's and remaining there for far too long. Then his gaze dropped understandingly, and he seemed to study the floor for a moment, before smiling shyly and clearing his throat with an ease that showed he was not new to such awkward situations. "Um... Sungmin. Leeteuk and the manager are looking for you... uh, they have something to discuss about your hair, I believe?"

Kyuhyun snuck a peek at the older sidelong, to observe how he handled this. Sungmin's face was almost impassive, perhaps slightly amused even, he'd had a mask hiding close by all along and now he was using it. There was no trace of the guilt or the sadness his expression had showcased only moments before Heechul's intrusion. "My hair is fine."

"I didn't say it wasn't." Heechul replied, rolling his eyes. There were no true souls here. Like a theatrical display, each actor wearing a mask to hide his identity, but who among them was the best? Kyuhyun's throat burned and he stared down at his hands. "Anyway they're waiting over in the lounge for you. That's all."

"Well, fine." Sungmin sighed irritatedly, and rose up from the couch. Heechul's eyes were locked on him still, but he didn't seem to notice or care, that wonderfully-crafted facade of his rock-solid and unpenetrable. Kyuhyun silently wished he could have that sort of composure, to be able to hide his discomfort so very well. Then again, perhaps it was a talent he didn't really want to have.

He craned his neck up, watching along with Heechul as Sungmin stretched his arms and back, every outline visible through the thin grey shirt he was wearing. He really was magnificent to behold, perfect in appearance, and Kyuhyun felt a pang of guilt at the lust that was running through him, shame for having been seduced like he was by this flawless creature. He was only human, he couldn't help but want and need, need Sungmin, his touch, his heat, something more than the cold, empty space beside him each night. And yet, it was only his own fault that he didn't already have those things, his pride standing in the way of forgiving Sungmin like he knew he should, like he knew was right.

"Stop." He said loudly, his voice echoing off the white walls. He lunged forward and caught Sungmin by the back of his pants just as he walked off, jerking him backwards, the force of the motion nearly sending the older tumbling into his lap. Heechul frowned, still leaning in the doorway, and Sungmin turned his head to peer at Kyuhyun, trying halfheartedly to struggle away, confusion written across his smooth features.

"What, Kyuhyun?" He asked irritatedly, swatting idly at Kyuhyun's hand which was hooked in the back of his jeans, fingertips brushing against the bare skin of Sungmin's ass. Kyuhyun could see the glowing blush across his cheeks, his expression pleading for him to be released, bewildered as to what Kyuhyun was thinking. The younger tugged on his pants, forcing him to backpedal a few steps, and he held him there.

"I'm confiscating these." He answered, extracting the slightly-crushed carton of cigarettes from Sungmin's back pocket, much to Sungmin's obvious displeasure as he scowled. He heard Heechul's slightly surprised gasp, and Sungmin growled. Kyuhyun turned his gaze up, meeting the other man's challengingly, as if just daring him to try and rescue his smokes. "After all, if I can give up my smoke break just to help you, I think you can at least commit yourself to actually quitting... right?"

Sungmin slapped his hand away, looking scandalized. His expression was screaming at Kyuhyun, as if he was trying to murder him with his glare, how dare you. He released Sungmin and the older practically flew away from him, tumbling to a stop in the middle of the room, caught midway between Kyuhyun's challange of a stare and the confused eyes of Kyuhyun's question, his obvious confusion at what, if anything, was going on in this room. Like a lost kid, like he had no idea where to go or what to do. It was almost painful for Kyuhyun to watch, but he held his stand, backing down was not an option.

Sungmin scorned deep in his throat, glaring at the man sitting on the couch with what could have been disgust, but it wasn't clear, it could have been angst, or possibly longing. He was difficult to read, Sungmin, he was a puzzle with a few missing pieces, but you didn't find out until you'd already put the rest together. He glared at Kyuhyun for all he was worth, shoving his hands down into his pockets. Kyuhyun felt his eyes burning, but he trained them forward, uncomprimising, against Sungmin's dark, hooded gaze. Why was he so angry? He couldn't remember anymore. It was just a thing that happened, a phenomenon without reason. Sungmin spun, shoving his way out the door past the bewildered blonde who was observing the scene, his features downturned sadly as he was pushed into the wall out of the way. Sungmin's black hair whipped around the corner and he disappeared, leaving the other two behind to stare at each other in confusion.

Kyuhyun sighed heavily, and flipped open the box of cigarettes he'd captured from Sungmin, deft fingers pushing aside the foil and counting out each stick left.

"I didn't know..." Heechul started, leaning half-in and half-out of the room on the swaying door, frowning and pouting, the only person Kyuhyun had ever known who could do them both at the same time. He trailed off, though, biting the corner of his pink and sparkly lip uneasily as he pondered what had just taken place. He glanced at the small blue box in Kyuhyun's hands, and then towards the hallway where Sungmin had just vanished, and let out a sigh of his own.

"Me either." Kyuhyun slid one long, white ciggy out of the package carefully, tapped it butt-end against the side of the box a few times, and put it between his lips. He lit the tip with shaking hands, sucking down a lungful of the toxic fumes, that first ravaging burn as the drug filtered through his bloodstream, down veins and arteries and tiny capillaries and then back up, to his brain, making every nerve ending tingle. It was such a sweet feeling, but... to be honest? Holding Sungmin in his arms, even for the short moment that it had been, was far sweeter. Having access to the person inside the outer shell Sungmin put up, having the feeling that perhaps he'd actually gotten through to the other man this time, gotten him to understand, shared something together... He took a drag, and exhaled, and then another, and again, until there was a white haze surrounding him. Yeah, he wasn't supposed to smoke. But what the hell did it matter anyway?

Perhaps the truth was, nothing mattered. In fifty years, when they were all gone and dead, who would know or care that two hearts had been savagely beaten in attempts to keep a group together, that so much had been sacrificed in the name of normalcy? What would it matter then if Kyuhyun ever got to hold the man he loved, to kiss and to touch him, if he got a happily ever after or not, if he had a happy anything? Nothing mattered. Nothing at all fucking mattered.

"I think we need to talk." Ah, there they were, Heechul had been expecting those words. The signal of destruction, Sungmin's code for complete abolition. But with his bravest face strapped on, Heechul nodded and followed Sungmin outside into solitude, away from prying ears and eyes to his confrontation.

"So what do we really have to talk about?" He inquired, leaning against the drab brick walls as casually as he could, feigning innocent face as though he didn't know what Sungmin was talking about. It still hurt, yes, thinking about what Sungmin had done and why, especially after opening the door on the scene he had witnessed earlier in the day, like ripping open the wound that had just begun to heal. It would be painful for a while, but Sungmin didn't have to rub it in like he had unknowingly done, flaunting the fact that he had walked away from this ordeal with his heart unharmed and ready for a fresh start with someone else. Heechul couldn't help but be a little angry.

"Well, a lot, really..." Sungmin started, turning his head to one side. "Firstly, that I'm really sorry..."

"I know you are." Heechul cut him off, shaking his head dismissively. "I'm not going to be any less hurt the more you say that, so you can just stop."

"I didn't want to hurt you,... I didn't know what I was doing." Sungmin grimaced painedly, biting his lip. "Let me rephrase that. I didn't know how to handle the situation... because I never expected it to really go as far as it did. I underestimated you, Heechul."

"Is that a compliment?"

"Yes, it is." The brunette chewed his bottom lip voraciously, hands flitting from his head to his hips and back again in agitation, unsure of what to do with himself. "It definitely is. I never deserved you."

"Well, I'm not so sure you deserve Kyuhyun, either." Heechul replied scathingly. He moved away from the wall, crossing one arm over his chest, close to his face. "You're going to have to prove to me you're worth him... Kyuhyun's one of my closest friends and I won't give him up to be broken."

Sungmin laughed at that, seemingly genuinely amused by the thought that he would even dare to hurt Kyuhyun in any way. Heechul even managed to crack a smile, but he hoped it didn't look as forced as he felt it was. Despite what was going on, despite the way the whole situation almost felt like a betrayal on Kyuhyun's part to Heechul, he still wasn't going to push Kyuhyun out there just to be brutalized by Sungmin's heartlessness. There were, after all, some bonds that were worth more than that. Heechul smiled, a real smile.

"You really, really do love him, don't you?" He asked then, glancing down towards his feet. Just to make sure. Just so that he wasn't self-sacrificing for the sake of Sungmin's fancy, something as insubstantial as dust in the wind. Just to make sure.

"I really really do." Sungmin sighed, leaning on one shoulder against the brick. "Probably more than anything."

"Anything now, or anything ever?"

"Ever. More than anything forever." Sungmin said with complete conviction. Heechul met his eyes and Sungmin didn't shy away, and the blonde was pleased to see nothing but truth staring back at him.

"How much about all this does he know?" Heechul asked.

Sungmin hesitated. "Only whatever you've told him," He lied; it was only small, and it was better for Heechul if things were simple. Right? For another moment they stared again, neither backing down. Heechul's expression softened.

"You should tell him, then, so that he understands what's going on." He proposed, noticing that Sungmin didn't look exactly happy at the suggestion, but he didn't retract it. Never flee, never look back. "And so that he knows that you love him... that's only fair, isn't it?"

"I know. I will. It'll just take a while..." Sungmin fidgeted, shuffling his feet back and forth. "I need a little time to figure this out, and then I'll try..."

"Come on, it won't be that bad." Heechul grinned wholeheartedly, eyes crinkled almost shut. "I know Kyuhyun, and even if he doesn't exactly returnyour feelings, he'll never hurt you or scorn you for it... And even if he doesn't quite love you yet, I'm sure he'll be willing to give it a shot. He might be dense and emotionally constipated, but if there's one thing Kyuhyun is not it's mean, at least not to everyone."

Sungmin sucked his lip into his mouth, holding his hands clasped in front of him as his face dropped. "God, you treat me too well."

"Don't say that..." Heechul bent down, trying to peer into the gaze that Sungmin was hiding beneath his swaying bangs and hooded eyelids. "I'm not mad about this anymore, I just want to move past it and see everyone be happy. Including you, Min. So I'm really hoping he makes you happy..."

Sungmin sighed huffily, voice cracking in a painful way, and he brought a hand up under the fringe of his hair to wipe at his cheeks futilely before looking up. Heechul cringed at seeing the well of tears in his eyes, little pearly drops spilling over the spiky edges of his lashes one by one to roll down his cheeks. Heechul didn't know whether he wanted to hug Sungmin or just run away from him. "Oh, no, Sungmin, no... please, don't cry, I don't know how to handle this..." He pleaded. "What do I do?"

"You can leave." Sungmin mumbled, sinking back against the craggy brick wall behind him with more force than must have been comfortable for his spine. "Just go inside, please tell Teuk hyung I'll be in in a few more minutes. You don't have to stay out here."

Heechul nodded, and forced a small grin that went ignored. Heechul had no idea how to handle when someone else needed his help, and especially not someone whom he'd never seen cry before in all the years he'd known him. To hold him seemed wrong, almost forbidden in a way, now that they were simply friends and group mates, but to do as Sungmin said and ignore him, that was way worse, wasn't it? Like kicking a puppy on the ground. Heartless. And Sungmin was always contradicting himself, putting up faces for his front, as though scared of being exposed as an actual human being, someone who needed comfort and affection sometimes. Heechul would probably never understand what he truly meant.

Sungmin was simply too complex. Sometimes saying things he didn't mean, saying things he did mean and twisting them, saying nothing at all and expecting you to just understand what he wanted. Maybe that's why things went so wrong between them, because Heechul just could not, no matter what he did, figure out the true meaning behind anything Sungmin did or said. There was no logic to this man, he would be a scientist's worst nightmare.

And yet he chose Kyuhyun, one of the most logical people he ever knew. For a minute, Heechul pondered over the irony of it. But there was really no use thinking so much about it now. There were two choices in front of him; be a man and a good friend for once and try to comfort Sungmin, or escape and leave him sitting in the alley sobbing like a lost child. Heechul didn't even need to think twice before he knew which path he would take.

Sungmin covered his face with his hands, whole body trembling like a leaf as he sank to his knees against the dingy wall behind him, sobs echoing throughout the empty alleyway.


A/N: And I'm finally posting the next chapter after around 9 months. Please don't hate me too much. T_T I missed this story very much, I finished writing it a while ago and now I went through it again. I must recognize I don't like Heemin anymore and I wished I could have choosen a different pairing than Sichul to this story (besides Kyumin who I really love) but I'm accepting my decision from back then. I hope you will remember this story and will keep on reading it. I'll most probably leave the chapters unlocked for few days, and then friends lock them again. Thank you for reading! :)
Tags: fanfic, genre: angst, genre: romance, pairing: heechul/sungmin, pairing: kyuhyun/sungmin, pairing: siwon/heechul, rating: nc-17, super junior
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